~~~~How I got interested in the lifestyle~~~~
I started exploring the BDSM lifestyle about 6 years ago, I had developed a fetish for Daddy/daughter roleplay/ageplay and while exploring that, more and more the BDSM communities seemed to play into my fetish.
~~~~~What makes me submissive~~~~~
I have thought about this many times, and I still don't have the whole answer. It seems (especially lately) that just when it all starts making sense to me something new is played into my life, new ideas, a new view point, sometimes a whole new reason to want to be submissive. I have a lot as a person to give and I find that when i give of myself that is very fulfilling for me. That need inside to give, is often way too powerful for me to just turn off, it is simply a part of what makes me tick, what drives me. I feel more at ease when I am pleasing others than any other time. I am at peace inside when I am put into submissive positions. On the flip side nothing bothers me more than when my actions have displeased or upset someone. I will naturally go to great lengths to make changes to make things right again. This characteristic of mine has caused myself to be taken advantage of at times and as i grow wiser i have learned that i am not responsible for everyone's happiness and i do not allow myself to be controled by anyone that i do not wish to submit to. That makes my submission that much more valueable, it is truely a gift of myself.I am also a very strong woman, I have endured much in my life that would have made a lesser person criminally insane. I am as dominant as I am submissive, I don't believe I could be any other way. With that said, I am submissive, and choose to be that way in how I conduct myself, finding it much more rewarding than dominating someone. This is why I know I need a strong dominant, not someone who is sorta dominant, but one that knows what it means to have a strong woman submit, and how to care for that soul.
~~~~~What drives me to surrender and submit~~~~~~
I do find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive to another in a loving relationship. I am not weak, or stupid. I am a strong woman, with firm views and a clear concept of what I want out of my life. I do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength. I look to my loving Master for guidance and protection, for never am I more complete than when he is with me. I know that he will protect my body, my mind, and my soul with his strength and wisdom.
He is everything to me, as I am everything to him. His touch awakens me and his thoughts free me. Only in serving him do I find complete freedom and joy. His punishments are harsh, but I accept them thankfully, knowing that he has my best interests always foremost in his mind. If he desires my body for pleasure, I shall joyfully give it to him, and take pleasure myself from knowing that I have brought him happiness. However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of any relationship. The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt, those are all parts of this relationship.
My body is his, and if he says I am beautiful, then I am. No matter what I look like to others, I am beautiful in his eyes, and because of that I hold my head high...for who can tell me that my Master is wrong in seeing the beauty in me? If he says I am his princess, then I am that...regal and graceful, and if I see laughter at me in the eyes of others, I do not recognize it, for who are they to call my Master wrong? If he says I am his toy, his slut, his tramp, then I am that...as wanton and dirty as he wants me to be, and if others do not see this, then it is they who are blind, not my Master.
My mind is his, to expand, to explore, to know as only he can. I have no secrets from him...for secrets are a thing that would keep me from being more perfectly his. Secrets would put a wall up between my Master and myself...and I do not want walls. His lessons are not always ones I would seek on my own, but they are lessons he has decided I need, and so I learn from him. My soul is his, as bare to his touch as ever my skin could be when I kneel naked at his feet. Never a moment goes by when I do not feel his presence, be he miles away or standing over me.
If I were to ever displease him, his displeasure would be a blow to my soul, worse punishment than any physical pain could be. The anguish of my soul that I feel when I disappoint him is harder to bear than the physical anguish. I spend my days knowing that the energy and thought he puts into our relationship is as much for my benefit as for his, and look forward to each lovingly crafted scene that we do together.
His part is much harder than mine, and I know this and am grateful that he cares enough about me to spend his time and energy so freely on me. I have the easier job: to feel, to experience, to let myself go and abandon everything to him. I am his pleasure and his responsibility, and he takes both seriously.
I am a submissive woman. I am proud to call myself that. My submission is a gift that I do not give lightly, and can only be given to one who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold. Only to he who has that strength will I give myself fully, because I am strong and proud. I am a submissive woman.
~~~~~ The Masochist Emerges! ~~~~~
That's right...I AM A PAINSLUT! This is all very new to me but I have never felt so intouch with who I am
and felt so in my element before. Life is a trip and I'm loving the ride! I will be back with more real soon on this new side of me so please do return.
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